Inspiration..

The Room

By Brian Keith Moore

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room.There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and right to left as far as the eye could see, had very different headings.

As I walked up to the wall of files,the first to catch my attention was one that read, "People I Have Liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then, without being told, I knew exactly where I was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my entire life. The actions of my every moment, big and small, were written in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, mixed with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories, others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if
anyone was watching.

A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed". The titles ranged from common, everyday things to the not-so-common-"Books I Have Read", "Lies I Have Told", "Comfort I Have Given", "Jokes I Have Laughed At". Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I Have Yelled At My Brothers and Sisters." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I
Have Done in Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents". I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes less than I had hoped.

The sheer volume of the life I had lived overwhelmed me. Could it be possible that I had time in my 17 years to write each of these thousands or millions of cards? But each card confirmed the truth. Each card was written in my own handwriting. Each card was signed with my signature. When I pulled out the file marked "Songs I Have Listened To", I realized the files grew to
contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented. When I came to the file marked "Lustful Thoughts"; I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think such a moment had been recorded.

A feeling of humiliation and anger ran through my body. One thought dominated my mind: "No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In an insane frenzy, I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took the file at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly
helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

That was when I saw it. The file bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With". The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than 3 inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that the hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves
swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.

Then as I looked up through my tears, I saw Him enter the room. No, please not Him. Not here. Anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. The few times I looked at His face I saw such sadness that it tore at my heart. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did he have to
read every one?

Finally, He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put his arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file, and, one by one began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted, rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no", as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written in blood.

He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished." I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on the door. There were still cards to be written.

Last years year in review!

Oh dear where do I even start? First off I'd like to say, this year has been the toughest I've been through so far. I have been able to experience some of the amazing life changing things, and I couldn't have done it without the encouragement of most of you. 
I don't remember much from before my graduation but I will do my best and Facebook will help also. I have met some amazing people this year and I will make sure to mention them as I go.
January: Ali got married! Awesome person #1. Not Ali, or Brandon. His Name is Bryson Seastrand. Nothing else to say he is just awesome. 

Still in Jan. My group in dance performed our hip hop piece in the dance show. I am not a dancer. I wish I was, and I will continue to try my whole life, but I just don't think its for me.

And definately not hip hop.

In February: I met Tyler Blackburn a actor from the TV show Pretty Little Liars. I have to admit I didn't even know who he was till I met him. He's a pretty rad guy. Plus he's famous and good looking who wouldn't want him to sign and kiss their head? If I came upon a bald person, I don't think I'd kiss their head. It seems rather unsanitary. and yet, I let people do it to me. Awesome person #2.

 Look what he said here :) By the way, I so was not that blunt. 

The next few months don't really have specific dates. (they are blurred out by some recent stuff) 
I went to some dances, with some awesome people. 

 Mormal: Mormon Formal

 Bonanza Sadies

 Palo/homeschool Sadies

 Kels and Jami's Masquerade 

And prom, with my mom, Colty. We went to Knotts Berry Farm and Phantom of the Opera. Pretty Darn Amazing!

April 29, 2012: the day after prom, I broke my right arm playing kickball with my family. First one to break a bone. And I chose pink for the cast. 

There isn't a picture but I did sing my first Solo and Trio in my music production performance. I was so nervous. But so glad i could still perform however I wasn't able to perform at my dance recital because my arm was broken...

Next: Front row seats at Blue Man Group! RAD! Most amazing Uncle ever! And Mexicans and Albanians, and Blue Men. They too did kiss my head. It left some blue lips. ;) Amazing people #3

After long hours of reading the Book of Mormon and lots of other projects.. I finally finished my Personal Progress. Its a first, and a beaut!

Paint balling 1st

Seminary Graduation

Graduation! I don't know if I would have survived without at least one amazing teacher who helped me become a better student and person each year. Thank you so much.

(No cast = perfect timing)

Summer: This summer was the best by far. I had the opportunity to move to Long Beach CA and be a nanny for my 2nd cousins. I was so excited to become closer to my cousin and her family, live in a new place, and meet new people. I attended the El Dorado singles ward and thats where I met most of my friends. They took real good care of me, I did some of the best things for the first time. I'm sure my family is more than tired of me still talking about how great it was and how much I miss my life there. Which brings me to my next problem, I am apologizing ahead of time for the way I talk about my life there. I miss it so much. So somethings may not seem as eventful as they really were. 

July: Megan and Kenny stayed with my other cousins in Huntington beach for my first week there. We had alot of fun! One day the girls and I got a color extension glued in our hair (me in my wig) a first. We did many other fun things that week, like going to the tide pools, and ruining my phone when the wave hit all of our stuff! That week was filled with sleepovers, picnics, bike riding, 4th of July parade and swimming.

And when I decided to take out the extension it looked a little bit like this during Linda's skype sesh.

The next events don't have dates, they are just some fun things I did.

While I was in California I had the opportunity to attend a YSA conference. There was really good speakers, food, and I made some good friends. I also had the opportunity to donate blood. I didn't really think i was going to go through with it, because of my past experiences with shots. But I have to say.. It was the best experience I have ever had! I didn't pass out and it didn't hurt that bad. And I can't wait to go do it again. If you haven't and you know you can stomach it, I recommend going. Plus the girl who drew my  blood was named Rachael also. 

I don't know how to word it but I did well, just that. I went in a an orange balloon up in the air with this ginge. He's my friend his name is Robert.

I went to Vegas for a day and caught some frogs while golfing with Ben, the chica and a date.

 Back in CA. I took the girls to the San Deigo Zoo. All of the animals were in hiding and it was so hot! So we decided to see a Chinese Acrobat show. Best thing ever! The acrobats were so talented!

Ahhh!!! 39 minutes left and I'm not done.... So if its not posted till 1-1-13 then is that last years year in review?

Met this guy. Awesome #4? Well he's bald and i'm bald and that makes us awesome! plus! He has overcome so much, and I am so proud of the decisions he has made.

Became an Angels fan. I love baseball. And well, Thats Steve He's too cool for me but he's great.

 Went.. Well, Attempted surfing with my favorite, Pam and her husband Mike. Raddest people you will ever meet #1&2

Spent a couple of weeks with Ace's sister and her family from Germany! We had so much fun! Her son   didn't speak any english but we had our own way of understanding each other :) And by the time I left he was saying "Whats your name, Rachael?" or " Rachael, whats your name?" in my favorite little german accent. Awesome #5

I enjoyed long walks on the beach

-Late night dates on the Seal Beach Pier

-Oh I was partial vegan (how could i forget that!) It was probably the healthiest I've ever been. I was able to experience a new culture and I liked it. 

-Skyped with Linda and miss Abi

-Made Cake pops with Larissa and Pam well I watched them and helped a little.

-Experienced my first earthquake!!! It was crazy. I wasn't really sure what was happening till after but it was insane!

-Attended baptisms for the dead every week, one of the hardest things was for me to take off my hair in a new place, where no one knew until I showed them. But I did it.

-Learned how to budget, and I stuck to my budget! And saved $1,000 

Met some awesome Aupairs from France and Colombia  Awesomes #6,7,&8 

I stayed with my Uncle Bart and cousin Spencer for a week! I loved getting to spend some time with them! 

Met some amazing people in the LBC

 And the best part: I had family by my side the whole time. I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to become closer to them!

Back in Las Vegas I met another Alopecian! His name is Scott. It is so great to talk to someone, and hear their experiences. Awesome #9

 I voted! 

 With the help of  some awesome people.. I finished my t-shirt quilt! And I love it so much!

I made 250 cake pops for christmas thanks to Pam and Larissa 

And on Sunday I got to play in the snow for a bit. Oh how I love the snow!

-Writing my best missionaries Elder Ben and Elder Colton, loving every minute of it and receiving some missionary advice for myself. 

-Moved into a house with my parents! No more apartment! I love my new ward! The people in it are so great! 

As I reviewed this year I realized that it may have been rough, but I had some of the most memorable experiences. I am so grateful for the people I have in my life and all the people I have met this year. I hope you all have a great year!

-Rach Rach