Greys anatomy FRIDAY!

Are you ready for this?

I am so excited! 

I love love love Greys Anatomy!

And country music :)

It makes me smile.

and I get to go to this lovely place in 2 days.

Want to know more about it? Click here

Decision made!

I am VEGAS BOUND! 

Its bitter sweet. 

I want to say thank you to everyone who has helped me to grow and learn here.

I will miss being this close to the beach 

But I can come and visit anytime :)

I am excited to swim at my parents new house 

and hopefully get into cullinary school.

 Lots and lots of trips with Jess!

Here's a few pictures of what we've been doing around here!

Coolest parks ever!

This guy is always too cool for me...

 Never enough walks on the beach

Look at the view from up top :)

ugh..

Who am I..

To tell you the truth I, am not really sure. 

Its quite depressing.

On a good day, I am confident. But even the smallest comment could ruin me for days.

Already has.

I really appreciate the people who tell me how they feel straight up, But some days I just can't handle the criticism.

What is natural beauty?

The only way to happiness?

Love?

Love what you do. Love who you are with. Love where you are.

And last of all the people you are with love you for who you truely are.

I know who I am.

 Lets start with the things I know in my heart to be true.

I will never be happy, if I am uncomfortable without hair.

I will never be happy, if anyone I am with is uncomfortable with me without hair.

I cannot take my hair off anywhere without a constant battle between my comfort and others.

I am sick of being one of those things that the people watchers watch. 

and say what is that. Or they tap the person next to them and say "hey! Look! its hard to miss."

I wish I knew one thing in my life, which direction am I going?

I feel like I am in "limbo"

I could go to Vegas or California.

Vegas. 

Free rent. No Car. No Job. Living with my family.

California.

No house. No Car. No Job. Skyping with Abi. Independant. Possibility of wasting the money I saved.

Turning Pages

I love...
-mormon messages.
-walks on the beach by myself.
-Turning page By Sleeping at Last
-Twilight movies
-Going to the temple every week
-Cute girls who want to try on my wig and we laugh, it makes me feel comfortable.

-When Steve plays the piano. And then he looks over with that smile and throws a little twist to the song. 
-That Greys Anatomy came back on last night and I can watch it on Hulu!
-This quote from a blog that gave me some inspiration."Not looking like a supermodel gives people the opportunity to know you personally, If they're willing to take that extra step they'll get to know the person you really are." - Lizzie Velasquez to hear her story Click here.

The thing that makes me a little sadder everyday...
-Knowing I have to move.  One day here is just one day closer to the day I have to move, and I'm not liking it. I feel like everytime I finally get out of my comfort zone and put some roots down, I have to pick up and move. I love moving and meeting new people but I have a difficult time leaving. My ward has been so great to me here. I am going to have the hardest time leaving them! They took me in and treated me as their younger sister. It has been so great to live here. Life is good.

My story

Just found something i typed up awhile ago...

On December 24, 2010 the only life I new was starting to change. As I took a shower that morning my hair started falling out, while i was washing my hair. Huge clumps would drop on the wet floor of the shower. The drain started clogging, my heart dropped, its coming, the day i have been worried about for my whole life. I cried. 

I welcome you to read a part of my life, with warning. The feelings I have felt while in this process aren't the easiest to read. 

Going back to school was the first step. What were people going to think about me? I had very short thin hair when I left for winter break, now i'm wearing hats with bangs. Hats are not allowed on campus. I only had a little bit of hair left on my head with an exception of the bangs, that were so kind to stay until i was comfortable, or just fed up with slowly watching my hair fall out. The hardest thing was the process, waking up in the morning, this wasn't a dream, my hair was falling out, there is no cure, and if i didn't have cancer, i'd be ok. It wasn't that big of a deal. I'm not dying. We shaved off the bangs and went wig shopping. I try not to remember what happened during all of this. I have found its better for me to express myself. Wearing the wig was itchy and uncomfortable. People didn't know me. They didn't know what i had been through and if they did no one would ever understand. 

Attention comes and goes in spirts. It helps with the grieving to tell my story, to ones who listen. 

I've always wanted to be accepted. For who i am. Who am i? For some reason, acceptance for the way i am is never good enough. This one person in my life is always trying to make me better. Why can't i just be myself? 

No two people are exactly the same. However, i feel that i have a clone. Although we are of different gender, we are the same. This bothers me. My trials are different than his. 

I am so grateful for the sweet guys that have liked me with or without hair. I feel like i am not worth their time, therefore i ignore them and our relationship ends. I feel that i shouldn't be liked. Boys shouldn't like girls who look like boys. This has always been my excuse. Boys have to like bald girls for who they are, but if i don't know who i am how do they know who i am? How can they like a girl who nobody knows who she really is?  

old friends, they DON'T know me. They don't know the person i have become. I am not who i was. I am uncomfortable everyday when i don't wear hair, when i do wear it, I can't be myself, I can't be who i was. 

Not much has changed since I wrote this. I am getting better at looking people in the eyes when I talk to them. I feel like if you look me in the eyes you see a different part of me, and I see a different part of you. For awhile I was ok being bald but I dont really know what I am. I feel like no one could or will ever be able to love me unless they love me without hair first.. I don't want comments. I just need to get it off my chest. Today was an "okay" day.

Love is all you need!

Love. Love. LOVE this.
I am going to attempt eyelash extensions... I'll post before and after pictures :)
A few good songs you should listen to if you were bored: Dream; Priscilla Ahn, Cry; Alexx Calise, and
       A Thousand Years by Christina Perri.
I love it here. Dating is the best! Walks on the beach, Sunsets, Walks on other beaches... Its just great!

Somethings that I love. Love. LOVE. are...
Skyping with this Linda sister of mine! And the cutest niece ever! And Davids feet. and occasional face  :)
Walks on the beach
The Smith family...and our family friends :)
Watching Bunheads, Bachelor Pad... Just ended! Thats ok Greys Anatomy!!! And PLL!!!
Oh how I love Taylor Swift!
Listening to music so so so loud in my car!
My Ward! and Wardy friends!
All the women that act like my mom or older sisters because they care!
My family... I miss them.
That I was given this chance to explore life and be independant!

I am livin the life but I do miss alot...
My friends, I miss catching up with them on a weekly basis. I always wonder what they are doing and how things are going. But I never have the time to just sit and talk or skype with them for a half hour.
I never thought I'd be saying this but I miss school, mostly the teachers that were so great to me this past year and some of my friends that I only saw at school.
Most of all my family. I miss having Sundays to spend all together and enjoying each others company.